Well just came back from vacation w/ W and youngest D. Overall, I believe a good time had by all, but there lies my problem. W tells me she was having a good time, but just before we left I discovered a "journal" she had started. (She left it out in plain sight.) It only had three entries. The first was at the beginning of June, when she was still struggling to arrange to leave. Lots of anger and hostility, most of it towards me and how she wants to leave me. There are no more entries during the time she changed her mind and want to work again on the M during the middle of the month and when we decided to plan the vacation.
Then two more entries made just before I found the book are about how she hates to keep pretending she is in love with me and being happy. That she misses her "friend" (OM) and wishes she can talk to him again (even tho he treats her like sh*t.) This is a new one! She always led me to believe he made here feel happy and alive & I was the one who made her feel like crap.
In the last entry, she continued to express her doubts if she would ever feel happy and in love with me and having to keep pretending such, but did mention that "things were changing".
This was a real blow to my PMA and brought on a whirl of insecurities that I have still yet to shake. She is showing more and more affection towards me as the days past, but I keep wondering "Is it genuine and is she pretending?!" This doubt seems to be growing instead of diminshing because I just can't seem to tell. I have not confronted her about the entries about pretending, and when I ask for assurances, she says everthing is OK, but I don't feel any better. Compared to most sitchs on this BB my wife made a whirlwind turnaround from "must get away from him" to in just two weeks later, telling me "she is falling in love with me" to two more weeks later doubting if she will ever love me, but continuing to pretend to love me. However, lately she initates most affections and expresses how she likes it. It just seems too quick to be real!? The doubts and insecurities still persist and are growing. When will I know her actions of affection are genuine?
![[Eek!]](images/icons/shocked.gif){kind=icon}
This is a new one! She always led me to believe he made here feel happy and alive & I was the one who made her feel like crap.![[Confused]](images/icons/confused.gif){kind=icon}
This doubt seems to be growing instead of diminshing because I just can't seem to tell. I have not confronted her about the entries about pretending, and when I ask for assurances, she says everthing is OK, but I don't feel any better. Compared to most sitchs on this BB my wife made a whirlwind turnaround from "must get away from him" to in just two weeks later, telling me "she is falling in love with me" to two more weeks later doubting if she will ever love me, but continuing to pretend to love me. However, lately she initates most affections and expresses how she likes it. It just seems too quick to be real!? The doubts and insecurities still persist and are growing. When will I know her actions of affection are genuine?
