I have been busy with my work here at the office and at home after work from the past few months. By the end of each day, I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was to go to bed and rest. But there were times when I still felt lonely at night and couldn’t sleep very well. Sometimes I spent endless hours thinking about this whole mess and wanted to give up on my marriage.
I couldn’t believe I have survived this whole ordeal for the past 29 months (since d-day). Things are getting better. The kids seem to be very happy and forget about what has happened. We are getting along better than before. We talked, laughed, and spent more times with each other, but physically I felt like we were still a light year apart. I don’t see that we will ever be physical with each other again. This is the part where I would never get it. Somehow my wife was into it emotionally and physically with the other man during her affair. But for some strange reasons, she couldn’t connect with me physically ever since.
I don’t know what to do about it or how to help her in that area. Her desire to be with me sexually was gone and it has not come back yet. She felt bad about it but couldn’t do anything to bring herself to be intimate with me. I think somehow in her mind, she always connects me with wanting sex and only sex but nothing else with her. That’s one of the resentments that she has felt for all these years even though she was the one who said when and how often to have sex for the past 12 years. It has been 29 months now since the last time we had sex.
All she wants from me for now on is to live together and help each other raise the kids. She said if I want to hug her just come and hug her but don’t feel bad if she doesn’t respond to my hug. She said if she could avoid having sex entirely, it would be an ideal for her. She is happy with the way it has been since the end of her affair and wanted to live peacefully doing daily chores or gardening in the back yard. She said she enjoys my company and feels relaxed with me, but if I mention about sex it just turn her off completely. She doesn’t know when she will feel connect with me sexually.
She doesn’t want a divorce either, but if that is the only for me to have sex, she is willing to amicably divorcing me. But she also concerns about the kids, the future, and her well-being. She said that she wishes there is a way to just have someone be with me sexually and only that so that we can still remain married.
That’s where we are and I don’t know where to go from here. She made me feel like I’m a “sex maniac” but in reality, that is not the case at all. Well, that is my update.
![[Confused]](images/icons/confused.gif){kind=icon}
