You’re right about me taking on an heavy load. I don’t have anyone else I can unload on. Ironically, I’m too private a person to confide in friends, though I have one who I have coached through R problems and who would be only too happy to help. The only ones I could possibly confide in are my sister and step-mom. I leaned on them heavily during my depression, and for various reasons, I can’t do that any more.
So the only solution I can see is to lighten my own load. It’s my choice as to how I take things. Of course, I can’t completely control my own feelings. Like you and so many others pointed out, I’m human. Today I’m feeling OK. I’m not sure how W feels. I hope she can learn to accept me for what I am. I think she can do this. We both have a lot to learn, though.
Lily:
I may pick up that book sometime. Right now, though, I think I have to give W some space to consider her feelings towards me. In other words, it’s time to stop “working” on my M. W was ready to kick me out of the house. Ostensibly to give me a break, but I think she needed one more than me.
I’ve seen her fatigue increase with the amount she drinks. She’s not an alcoholic or anything, but when she’s with family (who she doesn’t see very often), it’s social to have a coupla beers. She also has a couple from time to time as she relaxes (or tries to) at home. But, she’s come to the conclusion by herself that sometimes even a couple affects her sleep.
She’s mentioned that she tried to make a doctor’s appointment for her fatigue. From what I can see, she’s not trying very hard, but at least the idea hasn’t been tossed into the junk pile.
