Balance

[Jamesjohn]

I think your W could get her act together if she was so inclined.

What if we were to drop the word "inclined", and substituted the word "included".

ANS, I must admit that I don't know your total story, so if I'm out of line here, my sincerest apologies. The depressed spouse subject is very close to my heart, I just wanted to throw in a few thoughts / questions.

How much do you really open up to your wife? When you do open up, how do you do it, what are the subjects,how much of your heart do you really reveal to her? What are the results if / when you do?

How good of a listener is your wife? Do you find yourself not telling her things to either "protect" her, or yourself? Do you let her choose the amount of involement she has in helping you through the dark times, or do you make the choice for her?

Are your actions drawing her closer, or maybe pushing her farther away?

My wife and I have had a helluva a time working through her depression. It's still there, back comes back less often, and with less severity.

We got into the vicious circle of her getting gray, starting to shut down, then shut me out. I took it personal, and drew back. I tried to "help", which you know doesn't work, just pushed her in deeper. She didn't want to bother me with her "problem", wouldn't talk to me, "protected" me, wouldn't tell me things that I thought were important I should know. She just keep pushing these things deeper inside, and get darker. I would eventually find these things out, which gave me a large sense of rejection.

Might any of this strike a chord with you?

We worked out a safe deal for her to let things out, to include me in on whats going on in her heart and head. She'll start the talk out with "Honey, I need for you to just listen, and not to feel you have to fix anything for me."

I then listen, and I can see the her lightening up as her thoughts and feelings are pouring out through her words.

I've also had to learn to let her return the favor, and open up to her more. It DOES become somewhat heated at times, but going through this process has helped us to become closer to each other. More of partners and friends instead of just husband and wife. It's become a win-win situation for both of us.

Again, I apologize if this ain't pertinent to your situation, but there might be something in here that's food for thought.

Take care!

JJ