quote:Originally posted by Rachael M: Now....don't go defending her..She hurt you, and that pisses me off.
Well, Rachael, I’m going to defend her anyway.
We’ve been together for 23 years. She spent the first 20 of those dedicated to me, and eventually to our family. She never put herself first. I always told her to do so, but frankly, I was putting myself first (to set an example?) and therefore didn’t seem to be backing up my words with my actions. I didn’t treat her like she had a right to put herself first.
One thing she told me Monday was that she always put me on a pedestal. When she finally acknowledged my imperfection, it was a big fall for both of us.
Maybe a lot of women around here would like an H half as sensitive as me, but ironically, so would my W. I’m waaaaaaaaaaaay too sensitive. Maybe all those years on a pedestal made me a little too secure. Maybe I’m just trying to climb back up. It was nice up there.
She never exactly told me that she wasn’t attracted to me. She lost her libido. At times, she says she doesn’t know why. At other times, she says it’s me. She’s told me that she isn’t attracted to anyone. I shouldn’t take it personally. But, like I said, I’m a little too sensitive. I take it personally.
As usual, Fille, you’re bang on.
We got stuck in our roles. Our roles weren’t exactly as you figured. Actually, it was W who beat herself up over the years, and my role was to comfort and placate. Well, eventually it all came off as rather condescending. W decided to break out of her role. That left me without a role. I guess I’ve been looking for one ever since. Problem is that W thinks I’m looking for a way to go back to the old roles.
quote:Originally posted by Fille: … really learning that there's a time for everything and it ain't now. And in some cases it doesn't have to be
To take this a little out of context (but not much), what I’d like to learn and for W to understand is that things are never all-or-nothing. Like Fille said, there’s a time for everything. That time may not be now.
Something else that’s not all-or-nothing is the value of our “old” R. In the long run, it wasn’t working. But that’s a generalization. There are aspects that are worth keeping – as long as they don’t overpower other things. Mutual support isn’t the same thing as codependence. Concentrating on each other’s positive traits isn’t the same thing as putting each other on pedestals.
