I understand what you say about perspectives. I had a thread called "struggling with perceptions". I think that a large part of DBing isn't so much changing ourselves as changing our behavior to change perceptions.
Yeah. We do change. But a lot of it is about changing our behavior to be consinstent with the "real" us.
And. No. I'm not really mad at her. You're right on about her perception. I've never really got mad at her. However, when I wanted more from her, I was sad. She took this as laying a guilt trip on her. My first major 180 was to stop making demands on her - especially in an emotionaly way.
We've come a long way in opening up to each other. We started with non-OR stuff but seem to be stuck there.
Considering the size of our family and our son's handicap, there's not much to "open up" about that doesn't involve OR.
Even time to ourselves involves OR. How do we spend our time? I want to spend some of it alone together. She wants to spend time away from family pressures. I've tried so hard to stop being lumped into that category.
So now, we've struck a balance. She does what she wants. When that includes me, we get one of the older kids to babysit. Otherwise, I take care of the kids.
