Balance

[Jamesjohn]

Andy - Sorry you're feeling so down.

I know that you aren't looking for suggestions, so I'm not going to give you any. I also know that you don't like, or need, for people to walk on eggshells around you, so I want to give you a perspective from someone who lives with a spouse that suffers their gray days, too.

PLEASE keep in mind that these are only perspectives, and are just some food for thought!

"When she told me that I always controlled OR, she specifically stated that she didn’t want to “take turns” being in control, but in practical terms, that’s what’s happening."

Just as you aren't in control of how you're feeling, and how frustrated this may make you feel, she may also feel the same thing. SHE may also have a feeling of helplessness, of "loss of control" on your down days.

"It's a vicious circle. I'm trying to find ways to express my desires but can't think of how to do it without going against hers. So, she thinks I'm mad. She asks me about it, and I daren't tell her how I feel."

I've often felt my wife was mad at me, too. It was a pretty hard thing to learn how to not take it personal. It often upset (and still upsets) me when my wife has not told me what she was feeling when she was blue. It was like she took the choice away from me, and shut herself down from me. Not a good way to get closer.

"So, she doesn’t want to be around someone who’s perpetually mad at her."

Are you REALLY mad at her? Or is this what she may be perceiving because she feels you're hiding things from her?

"Sometime, I’m going to have to suck it in, and get this stuff out in the open. But I have no idea of how to do it w/o alienating W, and possibly hearing a lot of things I don’t want to hear."

Give her a chance. Start opening up to her, slowly, about non-OR stuff, and go from there.

Give her a chance. She may be ready to handle more than you think. I've found the "walking on eggshells" scenario can work both ways!

Again, my friend, this is all said with much love!!

JJ