Hey Choc...I've missed your commiserations, brother. I wish I could figure out the road to success for both of us, but I didn't find it last weekend.
Fran...when I try to be assertive (without being aggressive) now, I just get accused of being a control freak, or not caring what she thinks, etc. Then, even when I explain that I'm trying to be the "confident man" she desires, she'll then say that what I should have done was x, or what I should have said was y. Often, I can tell little difference between what I did and what she suggests I should have done. And what's the value of being confident, if you're just reciting or reenacting what your spouse says you should?
Anyway... I didn't come here for advice this morning, just came to thank you and everyone else for the advice in my absence. It was a tough weekend and holiday: stepfather-in-law still has no primary cancer diagnosis and no symptoms (so it's like he's got a time bomb inside him); aging dog just developed an infection after her surgery for the removal of bladder stones; and all the rest of the stuff called "life" that needs to be handled.
No time for a lot of detail, just "hi" and I'll pop-in a bit later.
