I've been at a seminar all morning. Yuck. But, a free lunch afterward, catered by one of my favorite local barbecues! Yes!

1st: Mojo...you're right, she'd probably get mad if I pulled the Monty Python thing. But hey, she's mad already. And it would amuse me. I like, especially, the "beer me, wench." I'm using that this weekend.

2nd: blackfoot. When we first met, she and I hit it off well, bantering back and forth, lots of humor. She was the one who contacted me at the match.com site, and I, seeing that she lived two hours away, replied with a comment that reflected my initial reaction: that I thought she was crazy to think I would consider dating someone so far away. Then, when she told me that she was a prof at a university that was the rival of my alma mater, I continued to poke fun at her, i.e., "as if I would be caught dead ever dating someone from Mizzou!" My attitude was total confidence, I had nothing to lose because I had absolutely no doubt that the emails would go anywhere.

She, of course, ate it up, continued to email, then we called each other on the phone, then she had to come to the airport in my town to drop off her visiting sister, so we met in person. Pretty much from that point on I was hooked. I started to take the "relationship" more seriously, and began to feel that I didn't want to lose it. That's probably when I shifted into "wanting to keep her happy" mode. It was a subtle change over the course of a few weeks, but it went from an amusing little distraction, to something that was important to me. And of course, once it shifted to that, the pattern was set.

I'm not sure about her affection to strength and power, except for the fact that her dad, when he divorced her mom, did some big threatening to her mom that convinced her to let him have full custody of my W and her sis. After about 5 years of that, my W and her sis convinced their Dad to let them go to Mom's custody. I think he was so fed up with her stubborness and the negative effect it was having on his new marriage, that he agreed.

Now go and chew on that for awhile.

3rd: chromo - jeeze, what an azz your dad was. That story was pitiful. Real Pat Conroy-type stuff. Anyway, I get the message about not being able to please some people. That's my W for ya. And I'm working on the self-esteem stuff. Any help you can provide is much appreciated. Teaching by example is good. If I hadn't been already dressed this a.m., I was almost ready to open the shower door and say, "Is there room for two more?" Ha ha....love that one.

4th: honeypot. Yeah, get real with myself, I know. You're not the only one telling me this. I really appreciate it when you drop in to b!tch-slap me into listening to you. Don't drink too much beer this weekend, hp.

5th: Cemar and others: yeah, but it's so easy to let her make all the decisions! My C asked me why I picked my ex and my W, both strong women. One reason, I said, was because, on most things, I didn't really care one way or another, and I knew that by marrying these opinionated women, I wouldn't have to make so many decisions. Yep, I'm here, because I'm lazy.

However, I agree about my need to be decisive, to let her know what I'm thinking even if I know she doesn't want to hear it, to be strong, to be confident, and to not waver. And I think I'm supposed to be clean and reverent and obey the law of the pack, too, but I'll get started on the other stuff right away.

One last thing: yesterday, she called me to ask about a situation with a friend of ours who she thought was acting strange. She gave me the facts, from her perspective. I paused. I told her I thought she was being paranoid. She didn't like that. I told her that, if she wanted me to be more open, I was going to share my perspectives on things with her, and she might not always agree with me. At first, she said that she appreciated that, but she ended up hanging up on me when I stood my ground. She called back, trying to prove that she was not a paranoid individual, by citing examples from the past. Regardless, I told her that my perception of the conversations she had with her friend, and her conclusion, seemed like she was being paranoid. She hung up again. I didn't call her back.

By the time we saw each other again, she didn't even mention it.

And hey, the world didn't end when I stood up to her and didn't try to spare her feelings, make her happy, or agree with her. And that's cool.

Hairdog