I think I have a slightly different spin on this to the others who have posted. I think it is possible your W has NPD or BPD. This is why she manages to "forget" her ball yanking antics. Telling you to initiate if you want sex is clear blame-shifting (a very NPD trait). She unconsciously knows she has [censored] you over and you don't want sex because she has batted you away every time you try it. So she knows that if she wants sex she will have to initiate. Telling YOU to initiate is her way of initiating. Her fault is your fault, this is what I mean by blame shifting, my mum used to do it all the time to my dad mostly but to us as well.
A while back I posted to you about Mrs HD being like an out of control toddler. Her overly controlling personality is searching desperately for boundaries and for control by you. You are not giving her that and she gets worse. It is anxiety, she is riddled with it (hence the tight pussy you mentioned). Her demanding that you take her with confidence is another clue pointing this way. She really really wants you to step up and be the man. Probably more so now she is losing her step-dad.
Frankly I think you should fock her brains out, several times over if necessary. It will help to exorcise the anger you feel towards her, then when you have reduced her to a helpless jelly after several nights of this, starting ordering HER around for a change. She will most likely be far too high on all the focking to argue. She will be happy to feel like she is in a safe pair of hands, like she is with a man who knows what he is doing and knows how to steer the ship. It will bring her relief and comfort to know that she doesn't have to be in charge.
I am not saying all women are like this, BTW for the lurkers out there. Mrs HD is a specific case and I believe (IMHO) that this is what would work for her.
On the radical honesty question, here is a clue, I can't really think of a better analogy but say someone came up to you in a store and started asking where you keep the widgets. You don't work in the store but it's clear this person thinks you do.
Do you say a) I think they're on aisle 3 b) How the fock should I know? Do I look like I'm wearing a uniform? c) I'm sorry I don't work here, maybe they have a customer services desk at the front of the store.
In our M's I think most of us give answer a) because our SOs seem to expect that of us, and occasionally when we get really hacked off we give answer b). So why the heck don't we just give answer c)? I think it is because we are so eager to meet expectations and don't want to disappoint that we end up saying a)
After a while in a marriage the partner asking the question gets confused that you keep sending them off to the wrong aisle where they won't find what they want, and even more confused when you suddenly bite their head off.
I don't know if this helps, I feel like you're probably scratching your head and muttering WTF?
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
