HD,

It sounds to me like she is trying to communicate what she wants. It sounds like she wants a confident man to approach her. Instead when you made the attempt it was like a scared teenage approach. I can understand why you would be that way with all the rejection you have encountered. Have you ever done a very confident approach with her in the past?

There was something I was very guilty of in my marriage. And it is something I have really worked on. It is that I was way to controlling and critical. My husband finally got sick of it and took his control back. He did things like others have suggested you do. Like if I wasn't happy with the way the floor got done he told me do it myself. He didn't care what the outcome was of his getting his masculinity back. For a long time with many things he just didn't want a conflict so would go with the flow like you. But let me tell ya he really built up resentment and so much anger. Now let me also tell you back then I didn't respect him. I guess maybe the more I controlled, deep down, the more respect I was losing so it was a vicious cycle. The me now I love it he put me in my place. I was able to see where I was ta fault and work on it. The me today loves to say things like honey you decide where we eat tonight. Or get whatever movies you would like to rent. I respect him a whole lot more. It has changed the dynamics of our marriage so much. I think through this and I may be wrong and I don;t know if he will vere come out and admit it and he does still have a hard time just communicating. BUT I think his LD was a result of something he could control and a way to hurt me as I was hurting him. I have found lately that I am becoming the LD. Our marriage is improving in leaps and bounds. But I still find myself LD. I am not totally closed off to the idea of sex. I just find I don't think about it or need it as much. But an example of my husband having a confident approach was last weekend. He came home from work and it was late. I hopped in bed and was almost asleep when he came in shortly after I did. He started rubbing my legs and I kind of tried to turn away when he took me in his strong arms and said, " You are not going to fall asleep again this weekend. I want you." After that he laid this passionate kiss on me as he begun taking off my panties. Then he went for the neck area something he knows gets me going. There was just no refusing him. I found it so erotic and just plain awesome to see him like this.

I just hate this because I can see you are hurting and your ego is getting damaged. You try to be silent because you just don't want the conflict. You try the hardest you can to just have some sort of calmness to your marriage. She needs to break this cycle. You have to take your manhood back from her. Make her respect you by doing so. There may be a fire at first but after the smoke I think she will be able to see clear then. I know I did.