Re HD I might as well call her "the ol' ball and chain."
Hair, you are missing part of my plan.
If Ms HD tells you you have to initiate and you are at a point where your interest in her sexually is about nill, I am assuming you would not care what the outcome was. A Nothing from nothing game is still nothing thing. (if you can get there mentally)
If she tells you you are going about initiating wrong, admit this is the best you can do in your state of mind and her version of initiating is something that is difficult for you to get right in your mind so it comes across right to her.
Tell her you see/feel like the Peanuts cartoon football situation.
You might want to give her a 4th. card so she could put her own time on it.
I am just trying to get the ball in her court. She somewhat put the ball in your court, but you know it has strings attached to it. That is why you don't want to give it a kick. Let her know that.
Get her to commit to something rather than remain floating around like a fly that can change directions anytime it wants to.
Read HG's thread. I posted a Dobson article and Lil re-quoted an important part. Here is the mind set you might take:
All the techniques of containment must end immediately, including manipulative grief, anger, guilt and appeasement. Begging, pleading, crying, hand-wringing and playing the role of the doormat are equally destructive.
Not all the advice apply in your situation, but try to be more detached. (also applies to myself ) I think we both have problems in these areas> guilt and appeasement. <mild> Begging, hand-wringing and playing the role of the doormat/<fixer> <my additions to Dobson's text>
Not all of Dobson's articles (religious beliefs and stands) set right with me, but most of his ethics and practices are very good.
I guess I over did the religious thing and got burned so am shying away some of the religious or Bible quotes.
BTW I am in almost the same boat. Lately (like, since mid-May) I haven't bothered to try initiating anything with my W. My reasons:
1. She's made it clear with her actions, and somewhat clear with her words, that she's not interested in sex, so why would I want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with me?
I even asked BB why she would want to be around me last week.
) I think we both have problems in these areas> guilt and appeasement. <mild> Begging, hand-wringing and playing the role of the doormat/<fixer> <my additions to Dobson's text>
