it is only in my dealings with her that my confidence is gone. It's not just in the sexual arena. From deciding whether we should keep or cancel the newspaper ($6 a month) to how to clean the floor....
youve reached a point of not really caring about the sex. Why dont you apply this to these other areas?
If she says something about the way you clean the floor, reply, 'You can say thank you, and show some appreciation, or you can pipe down.' This will probably piss her off. I have no doubt, she will make some attempt to get you tied up with her tar baby. Ignore it. Try this, and then see what her actions are later in the evening, or the next day.
you know, if you want to have sex with me, you are going to have to initiate." I don't recall the exact words, but that was because I had been asleep. I didn't respond. Ok choice. it was pretty disrespectful to wake you up like that.
she again mentioned that I was the one who needed to initiate, and that I should approach her "with confidence."
she is trying to stay on the offense by the way she words her sentences, but the reality is, she is coming to you about it. 3 times. she is concerned on some level. It feels to you like, she finds out that you do have desire for her, then....thats enough for her. Feels like a rubber worm bait. looks yummy, but taste bad,....and that pesky hook hurts. The ball was in your court, keep it there. Take what she says and return it to her. 'Why do I have to initiate? If you dont enjoy sex enough to initiate it, I understand. Its not really that enjoyable for me anymore either.' 'Maybe if you said something nice once in a while, or appreciated some of the things I do, I would think you cared enough for me to want to have sex with you.' 'well when you are ready to communicate about this, and show some consideration, and compromise, act like a woman, instead of a general ordering the troops around, then maybe we will have sex again. Untill then... <shrug>.'
The way she is wording it now, is that sex is still some sort of reward or prize for you. Its not. Since she doenst have the sense or respect to fill your need. Take it away from her. And stop needing it from her. She doesnt deserve it. If you were single, you would survive. See if she is capable of filling any of your other needs. Let your emotions at this lack of being cared be verbalized. when I used to say something calmly to x, like 'Im really pissed at you right now.' her reaction was much different ( uh oh I better get this taken care of) then the times I lost control over my toungue and vented on her in a hack and slash fashion. ( door slamming, mirror smashing, knife throwing whirl wind of destruction. followed by the crazy glint of Im going to take you apart in her eyes.)
I am angry at myself You have a right to your feeling of anger. Aiming it at yourself, is not healthy.... your allowed to let her feel and see a little of it, in a controlled manner. It wont make you a bad person. Vent man. get some of this off your chest. Use you anger energy to move you to some action. What would happen if the next time she pulled some jello like manuever, you were to say, flat calm, 'You know, Im really sick of your crap.' and then just let it sit.
Women want to 'feel' something. Good, bad, doesnt really matter to them. its the lack of feelings that drives them bonkers. Im like you, I dont want to feel bad anything really, and in general, just want to be in a relaxed static emotional state. Thats fine. Put yourself their, and stay there, even when she gets up or down. It will really change her perspective of you.
You are a great guy HD. she just has no respect or appreciation for it. her constant testing is wrecking her R with you. Tell her, and then tell her to knock it off.
When x started her A, I developed PE too. It was really really demoralizing to me. Internally I was like... shock and chagrin, and... what the hell is going on here? Plus the mirrored look on her face was the icing on the cake. finally I said fcuk this. It felt like she had me by the balls. I had to take them back. It was a painful process.
