I don't feel that you have to be super alpha male to approach her in a confident manner. What (out of curiosity) do you think the outcome might have been if you just hauled her over your shoulder (without a word)...or grabbed her by the hand took her to your bedroom and plopped her butt down on the bed and started undressing? No words necessary, and the intent is pretty clear....she wouldn't mistake it.

While I agree with your point in theory, I don't think the action is necessarily the solution.

Hairdog,
Your tone for this post is like many of your posts, one of resentment and surrender to a degree. I don't blame you for not wanting to hear about all the alpha male talk, because you cannot wrap your brain around it mentally. My H is quite similar in that sense.
Taking "alpha" action without the "alpha" mentality behind it is almost certain to fail. You have no confidence in your R with your W. I doubt things will change until you work more on you.
said I was totally mistaken, that she enjoyed sex, that she was turned-on by me, that (Hairdog's eyes and ears glazed over here, as often happens when confronted with a make-believe world that has absolutely no connection with reality).
Her admission sounds HUGE to me, at least she is trying to have a positive attitude toward your SL. But right away you dismiss it. I'm not saying I blame you here given your history together, but she made a move and you rejected it. I'm not surprised she did not accept your advances later.
Nope, no change here. The words do not have any relationship to her actions.
But don't you see, neither do yours. You clearly have a lot of anger and resentment towards her. So your actions are not genuine in that sense. She knows full well the M is on shaky ground, wouldn't ya say? So how "loving" are these intimate actions towards her? And vice versa of course.
Maybe the two of you need to get down to basics here and reconnect some of the EC, not sexually. Seems like that could only benefit the M.
And I'll give you a small 2x4 to the head too, I think Corri might be thinking the same thing considering her mention of this on another thread, but sometimes you need to sh!t or get off the pot.
Venting I can relate to, but being endlessly miserable about your situation because you can't even get up the balls to not do the dishes, is just your own fault in the end. That piece of the puzzle is not about Mrs.HD at all but all about You.