I have posted in the past and continued to read all the amazing stories and the profound effects that failed relationships and marriage have on everyone.
As for myself, WAS left 3/02 (probable EA) but clearly unhappy with my controlling personality. Moved back home 6/03, but never really returned emotionally, most likely because of ongoing EA. I finally had to leave 5/04...just too unpleasant inspite of some trying from both.
Have done intensive Imago counseling since then with fairly important advances and now we have sold our home, bought a new one to start a new life together.
I still fight with control issues...it's just in my blood, and I believe most people would say I am fairly mild about it. She is probably a histrionic and therefore, it is difficult for her to carry on deep relationships with those she is really close to. As you know, OCs attract histrionics and vice versa.
I am not a touchy-feely guy, but I enjoy a good cuddle or back rub or kiss or hug at any time. She, on the other hand, has been fairly uninterested in these sorts of things for quite awhile now. I have tried to express the desire for these kinds of things in our new relationship, but she continues to put up little walls to these sorts of items that I feel are important to a healthy marriage. We occasionally make love, but there still is a distance.
I write this story for anyone's input regarding the final phases of a healing relationship.
We communicate better than ever. She can clearly speak her mind and I now can and will listen in a brand new way. We both are clearly committed to the marraige and it's future.
Yet, she remains physically distant and that concerns me because I wonder if that will ever improve.....I am way past negotiating or asking. I just clearly tell her that I feel uneasy in her presence at times because of the lack of physical affection, and I leave it at that. No agenda. No control. Just how I feel.
Can anyone give me insight as to how we make the final steps to a loving, caring, affecionate relationship? I am ready. She may be, but seems reluctant to show it or is scared to.
