I used to tell my H how he should handle a particular sit with our kids. That was part of me being the involved parent and my H being the distanced one. It reached a point where if H wanted to talk w the kids he didn't want me in the room...
...Fast forward to us 8 months after our bomb.
My kids want to bridge w their father. They want him to approach them. Not gonna happen. H is a conflict avoider and doesn't seek to be on the defensive. He is a just get over it and move on kinda guy. He isn't happy (right) now and when he does something he is labor intensive. He wants our Son to take the initiative and get busy learning from him.
Lately, I've been able to explain to H that S is like him in that he responds better to words of affirmation. Yelling doesn't work w H. Asking does.
I'd like to suggest that you encourage your kids to look for small ways that they can bridge to their dad. My mom used to have me take water to my dad when he was working outside (my father and I had no R but she put me where he would see my sincere efforts). If you can quietly coach your kids then your H will notice. Give H the credit, sort of "Acting As If. . ."
The idea here is to change your H's perception of his children. If they can approach him in a positive way then that will encourage him to respond in a positive way. You, the db mom, would not be perceived as a controlling figure by getting in his face and telling him what to do w the children.
Good luck. It is so important for the children and parents to bridge!
