Loretta’s right. You can’t make him happy. But. You can show him the way.
Do NOT tell him how to be happy. That’ll only invalidate his feelings, and he’ll (again) project that onto you. “My W doesn’t understand me. How can I be happy in a R with her?”
So. How do you do it? You be happy. You show him by example.
You’ve listed three goals, that will presumably make you happy. The first one is out of your control, albeit within your sphere of influence. As to your second goal, act as-if you’re comfortable in your M. The idea behind acting as-if is not only to present the comfortable feeling to your H, but to present it to yourself. You have to convince yourself that things are comfortable.
The more relaxed you get, the more likely he is to confide in you. That brings you to goal #3.
So, IMHO, what you do is to continue what you’ve been doing wrt things that “he picked at” But, it doesn’t end there. You also have to be a fun person, and a good friend. I bet that you were these things when he fell in love with you.
