Hi, I dont know the history behind your situation.
But I do know when the decision has been made to come together it takes time for them loving feelings to return for both of you. He made the decision at one time to stop loving you and this has to redevelope. You need to have lots of patients.
My H has been home 11 months and it has gradually grown to the point that he is doing things to make me happy not just me trying to make him happy. Remember you cant make him happy. If his mother said he has never been happy then it probably is so. He married you to be happy when that didnt happen he left. He has obviously now returned because he realized that you are not the one who made him unhappy. You stood beside him through this difficult situation and that he is thankful for.
Most men have to be lead down the garden path. They have to be told what to do. Unfortunately, this is the way. I had to go this route. Dont put up with any abuse. When he says or does something that makes you mad or sad. It is time to set a boundry lovingly. I have been living it breathing it. Slowly we are solving many issues that I found unacceptable because with DBing I have become strong and if he doesnt want to comply he can move on.
I want it to work and will work hard but so does he. We have worked through the standard stuff. Coming and going, children, taking me out, acting like my boyfriend,money. I am now working on the bedroom behaviour. This one may backfire, He is a very selfish man. He wants it when he wants it how he wants it and no thought of anybody else. He appeared at the side of the bed this morning no plans of getting in just wanted me to take care of him, I said no You have been away all weekend and you are showing up today for me to take care of you with no thoughts of me. When I refused to do what he wanted he wasnt interested in making the effort to make me feel good. He went along with the no. I got up as usual made his lunch coffee and sent him on his merry way. He did ask me if I have used the special coffee mug he bought me as a present. I hope this was a positive note. He has to think of me also. It is hard but I have to set this next boundry to be happy. Wish me luck. He just came home. Bye. Loretta
