Things are going quite well. We are not getting chores done but we are having an exceptionally peaceful few days and today is the big day.
Here's what I think helped this time:
I made a very strong and specific request for my H to take off work. I have gotten better at requesting little but letting my H know that what I do request is important. This is not exactly out of the DB handbook but it has worked for us. I would prefer my H to get the idea without me being so blatant but that didn't work.
Interestingly, my H really surprised me by paying close attention this weekend when I went ga ga over a gardenia plant and he had a gorgeous gardenia delivered to the house. This from a man who never gave me flowers until again I was very specific..."roses, red roses, mean love". The roses came valentine's day. The gardenia was flabbergasting! I was smitten that he had listened.
I've become more patient, more aware of how precious we both are, more amazed that we are able to connect and that has led to connecting better than ever.
My H has responded with showers of love. He deserves plenty of credit. How he has learned all that he has is beyond me. He seeks no help in any way. No books, no therapists, no relationship exercises.
I am a very, very, very (could write a lot of verys) grateful that we have found our way. Hope we can stay here, at least with the new foundation we have built. The storms will come from time to time I'm sure but it feels like we are standing together now. Dare I say it? I think my H may be finally really married to me.
Take heart, those of you who are still struggling. It can happen, even after big trauma.
