I'm gonna jump in here and tell you what I do. t might not agree, and that's fine. I hope he still answers your question. Here's why... t and I have both had to "lay down the law", and we've done it in different ways. And both ways have worked. Each situation is different, and only you know yours well enough to know what works. And only you know yourself well enough to know if the way you handle it is an attempt to control or a statement of you boundaries. Cuz I believe that is what it comes down to, boundaries...
I have often told my W how I want things to be. I frame it as "this is how I'd prefer things to be..." or "I'm uncomfortable with the course of action you are pursuing...". Then, I drop it. She's not an idiot. She heard me. She knows. If she has any respect for me, she will honor my wishes to what ever degree she can without sacrificing her Self in the process. If she has no respect for me, well, that opens a different discussion. One not necessarily for the "Piecing..." forum.
t has done this in a somewhat different way. Now, let's hear him tell you about that, and you can see how 2 different treatments have worked in their respective situations. Hopefully they will help you find the strength and wisdom to work yours.
