We are living in parallel worlds and you are right about the "ongoing" pursuit being my big problem. Her deceit is really wearing on me lately. I feel very "tired" today and with the right of prompting I would probably tell her "If you really think there is better out there, go find it. Knock yourself out, but don't be too surprised when my new W makes you look like 3 day old leftovers. Don't be too surprised when you feel like crap for throwing the best thing you ever had away and all your friends have to say is I told you so. Don't be too surprised when that "loser" you thought was your soulmate isn't prince charming after all. Don't be too surprised when our children hurt because of what you are doing. I will not feel vindicated or joyous about your "failure". I will be disappointed that you made a huge mistake that will affect us forever. I so very badly want to stop all of this from happening but it isn't mine to stop. This is a path you are chosing and I need to get out of your way. You know what this R and our family means to me and I only hope it means the same to you. If I am not what you want then go and find it but be honest about it. Have the strength to go after it fully and not try to have your cake and eat it too. Otherwise work with me and we can build great things, but you can't do both. You have told me that you choose us and we have too much invested to walk away. Then don't walk away, put your heart and soul into us and the rewards will be magical. I simply will not put up with the two lives you are trying to live." Wow, did it feel good to rattle that off.
It is so hard to respect her as she is right now. The scary thing is I am starting to feel like I could walk away quite easily at some point. How can I love some one that I don't trust or respect? I must or I wouldn't still be here.
Sorry to bum everyone out today but the closer I come to success the harder it is getting for me to take the setbacks. I will not give up but my expectations are zero. Knowing how this roleer coaster ride goes we will probably being renewing our vows at this time tomorrow. LOL
