Well, maybe if you usually pursue it's time to distance a little. Make her wonder what's going on with you. Give her something to to think about, worry about. Maybe she needs a taste of how it would feel to think you could get interested in someone else. Hate to say it, but sometimes a little jealousy can do the trick.
I certainly know what you mean about not doing things for yourself. Seems like I can't think about anything but OR anymore. I really can't remember what I used to think about before this all started.
Some days I'm gung-ho about working hard and making things work. Other days I wonder why I put so much energy into a M with a man who broken my heart and very nearly crushed my soul. I guess I'm just too stubborn to give up. Or, maybe, like you I just want to prove I can do it. Then what? The fact is, I'm married to a man who, when things got tough, took the easy way out. Hard to respect that. On the other hand, I do respect the fact that he came to me on his own and told me everything. I would never have known. At least he had the decency to feel enough guilt and remorse, and the decency to want to try to make a fresh start with me knowing everything and being able to make an "informed" decision about continuing our M. I do respect him for that.
I really liked what you said before about just enjoying the R right now and for as long as it lasts. That's what I've decided to do. It's got to be harder for you, I'd think, if you suspect your W is still trying to meet guys. You are an incredibly strong person and must love your W very much.
I wish I had some words of wisdom to help you. I sometimes feel so drained in trying to figure out my own situation that I can't imagine anything I'd have to say could help anyone else.
