My plan is to enjoy our good times together and assume the best. I have made myself as attractive to her as I can and I have the same mindset as when we were dating. I have the "goods" and either she wants them or she doesn't. If she can't love me like I love her then I will have to find someone who does. My W is going thru some MLC sort of thing so I need to be patient while she sorts it out. My problem is that I am not very patient and my friends and I all see what great changes I have made. This only makes me wonder why she can't just "give in" and realize what she has.
She made some comment in front of her sisters in regard to our 10th anniversary about "so I have to tolerate you for another 10 years". I said "you don't "have" to do anything". She responded "Oh I am just kidding". Anytime she has made a comment like that in the past month I have responded similarly. She has been playing a control game on me for the past two years but I have recently quit. She knows I have zero desire for a divorce so she has been threatening that whenever I don't "play" her game. My recent responses have been more along the line of "If you want to go, then go because I will survive". I have said this in a very casual, calm attitude while we were in a "playful" mood. I can only do this now because I truly feel that way. It comes accross with a little arrogance but I don't have to put up with a potentially unfaithful spouse who has recognized my changes, appreciates me when it is convenient, but will not commit to OR. What is truly interesting is that once she caused me enough to pain to feel this way, she seemed more attracted to me. Was it the "take it or leave it" attitude? Was she finally seeing my "changes"? All I know is that I am going to keep doing what works and not what doesn't. Obsessing and constantly asking her about the R only freaked her out. Life is about choices and and if she makes poor ones in regards to OR then I will be making choices as well. I have the strength and confidence to do what is best for me now.
The vacation was awesome. The weather was more like the carribean than the northwoods (80's & 90's and sunny with no rain what so ever). Most of our time was spent on the water wakeboarding, skiing, and barefooting (Going accross the water on your barefeet at 40 mph is a rush you have to experience). Our 7 year old waterskied for the first time and made us very proud. We all had a great time and no conflicts at all. I got very tan and am in the best shape since we got M. My W is digging the new bod and hairdo.
My reply to Rachel pretty much shows how I feel about my M. My W and I have so much fun together and are very much in synch. I feel like we are headed for a "breakthrough" very shortly. I will continue to enjoy the good times and tell her how I feel about the "negative" things. My goal is to have a loving, positive, and functional M and my ideal is for it to be with my current W. Think about that one a little bit.
