I feel a need to respond because the duration of your W's emotional/physical/mental absence is pretty close to my W. My WAW and I have had a disconnect for about 17 months now. 12 of those months we have been separated.
I think your situation is more difficult because your still living under the same roof so the problem is always in your face. Some on here say it's better to stay together at all cost, but I don't buy into that. I think when they say they want space, they really want space. I know for some it's not economically feasible, but if there was any way to facilitate that option, I'd recommend it.
There are a few reasons I would recommend it. In your case the duration of the estrangement and the affect it's having on your physical/mental health is very good justification. I think some believe that if your out of sight, your out of mind. I believe the opposite of that. I've had more positive developments in my relations with my WAW since moving out.
The tension was high when I was living with her. She was always angry, distant, hurtful, and anxious. I could tell that my presence was eating at her. I volunteered to move out because I couldn't take the stress and it was having a negative affect on my mental state of mind. I wanted to give her what she asked me for.
After a year's separation, we are now on friendly terms and conduct our affairs in a civil manner with mutual respect. That may not sound like the fire has been rekindled, but compared to her feelings toward me when I was living with her, it was a HUGE 180 for her. I'll take it. Even if we don't reconcile, we still need that type of interaction to raise our S6 & S14.
As far as my emotional state, it's complete opposite of how I felt just 6 or 7 months ago. I'm very calm, relaxed, at peace, and my sense of humor and zest for life is back with a vengeance.
Just thought I would throw that out for your consideration. It's really disturbing to see you in this sense of despair after so long. You have to find a way to break that cycle. If you can move away from it if even for a few months, it could do wonders for your outlook and possibly help your W deal with her issues as well.
Tom
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
