2nd Time Learning IV

[IWB]

Thanks to all the reliables that continue to respond to my sporadic posts.

I realized it was not time to give up, and I have been struggling to get the faith and peace back. I was there, but I am struggling with new things.

I am finding it hard to post here too, but not sure why. It always seems like I am complaining, and this is not what I am supposed to do. Heck, I am not even supposed to complain in my prayers.

I got some bad news at the doctor that my blood sugar has been out of control. I have been watching the diet, and working out, but still it is crazy. I went to the doctor on a followup and basically threw my hands in the air, saying there was nothing more I could do. He perscribed a medicine I need to inject in my stomach. It is not insulin. I really wanted to hide it from DW, since I knew she would react poorly. I went to bed, and she clutched the end of the bed again (yes I know it could have been something else).

FLASHBACK What I didn't write here was how I thought I had given up, and the trouble I found because of it. I won't go into detail, but lets say I was on the cusp of my own Midlife until I backed off and saw it for what it was. I am back, trying, and DBING, but after last night, I am not sure why. I turned everything over to God, and right now I just feel so darn lonely. There is no one to talk to. No one to hold me and tell me everything will be OK, and that it is worth trying and getting my health back. I have been told I don't need that. I can go on without someone to love me.

What else? Yeah I have been trying to hold conversations, but they all end up with the Tattoo Guy, and something about him. That is when I stop, and walk away. I am tired. Tired of all this. Yet, there is no where else to turn. She has every bit the right to stay here, and with my job, and the distance away from work, I can't support my children in another spot. Just more of the same crap I guess in this new year.

BTW, it has been a year since I started posting to this forum, and 15 months since I became aware of the problems. My patience is thin right now, and I am sure my health problems are significantly increased by her attitude and the way I handle it. I know others have it worse, but I feel guilty about complaining because of that.

For all who read this, thanks for spending the time to do so.