I had to comment when I read your thread-I have this huge problem of keeping my mouth shut. It really got me into trouble last night. I started a R talk. I do it way too often for one. I have told myself I will leave the heavy stuff for therapy where he tends to be more receptive and understanding. I started it at 11;30 pm after we got home from a party. I started asking questions about the OW-trying to get reassuranse from him. He has told me to tell him when I'm insecure-well that would be all the time, so I try to space it out a little. He had a 2 1/2 yr affair. HE broke it off after I found out, came home and has been really trying to be "normal". HE does say ILY, we do alot together but he says he still has a hard time talking to me-afraid that I will take it wrong or it will turn it into an argument. I am very sensitive, and still WAY out there on the trust thing. How do you handle that? It builds up just like you say, and it is SO hard not to say anything. Last night I actually asked him if he loved the OW. This was after several other questions, and he was getting irritated and would not answer me. I asked him why won't you answer? When you don't, it makes me think you do. He has told me before that he loves me,and cared alot for her but did not love her like me. Well,I also know he told her that he did love her when they were together. What would have been so hard for him to just say "no, I don't love her-I love you??? That's all I needed to hear. After all, after that kind of betrayal is that asking too much? He just said he did not want to discuss it because one question leads to another.He even made the comment that maybe he should move back out-he does not want to live like this-fighting. I told him I did not want to either, but I am feeling really insecure about trusting him. He lied well for all that time. How do I know he's not doing it again? He says there is no contact-that he will tell me if she tries to contact him and he will not answer his cell if its her. DO you know how hard it is to beleive that? The only way I amm gong to get this man to stay here and be happy is shut up about the affair and just love him and act as though he is telling the truth,which he may or not be. My problem lies in the obsession that he is not. I need some real practical advise here on how you do that when your petrified with fear. I think about it 24/7 and have been trying to fake it till I make it,but like I said it builds up and something inside of me looses control and needs that reassurance from him. I guess the key here is how to get it-and timing. There are times when they just don't want to talk about it-period. Help me-I don't want to find myself back where I was-separated, ever again. Rachael M.
