2nd Time Learning IV

[IWB]

I have wondered whether updating my situation was showing a lack of faith in God. I have spent much time fretting and complaining about my situation, and thought, perhaps this is showing that I don't believe God will work in my life. I have decided to write every now and then, again.

Where is my siuation? I actually thought things were improving a little, and there were signs that our relationship was improving, and W was trying. She has been through several crisis', and she gets close and fades away again. Last week school started again, and she has seen OM there. Not that I think something is going on besides socializing, this seems to have wedged her further away from me. She is generally angry most of the time, and avoids talking with me. She is half heartedly looked for other jobs, but I have not really encouraged her too much to do this, since I will be the scapegoat if something happens. I feel she is blinded; thinking OM is her destiny, and I am a weight around her ankle, and a waste of time. I have wondered about my W's faith, but see that she does believe in some things, but they are twisted and only used to justify her feelings. She is fighting opinions of her from others, and passed these people off as self righteous. The teachings of the church are suddenly bigoted and wrong. She is looking for someone to justify her behavior and feelings.

I have tried so hard in the past weeks to work on projects around the house, hoping she would know I am not lazy or useless like she seems to think. I have worked better at work, doing better at my job because my focus has increased. None of this is appealing to her, since there is always fault in it.

My faith has also increased, and I have released so much of myself to God, since I know I don't have the strength, knowledge or power to do any of it. Joseph of the Old Testament has been my enouragement lately, as he suffered through his family's hatred and selling of him to slaves. He was thrown into prison for something her didn't do. But Joseph survived and prevailed, never losing his hope and trust in God. I need to be like Joseph. Able to do great things because God works in me. Never losing hope in God and trusting him through every circumstance I encounter.