Andy,
I didn't mean to convey the wrong message about "OW". I would never violate our M vows, I simply mean that my W and I have good times but there isn't the "connection" there used to be. I feel more like just a "friend" that she happens to live and have sex with. I provide for some basic needs of hers like shelter, food, co-parent, and sex. I obviously do more than that but that is how I feel.

She is really good at deception so if I don't snoop I will think life is good. I am doing my best at detachment, acting as if, and acceptance. That is my way of reaching strength, stabiliy, security, and solutions. If some info happens to come my way I plan to ask her what is going on and believe her answer. Truth or lie. There is an old country song called "I let her lie". I will tolerate her lying until I can't and then I will let her lie in the bed she made. No hostility and no regrets.

My gut tells me she will come to her own conclusions pretty soon but my attitude will stand. I will treat her with courtesy and kindness and I will reciprocate the love that is given to me. Effectively, I am dropping my "emotional input" down to the same level that she is at. If she loves me like a "friend" I will reciprocate, if she loves me like her husband and soulmate I will reciprocate. I have not e-mailed her in a week nor said ILY in 2 weeks. I was trying to make her "think" I might walk away with my words, now I am letting her know that I will walk by my actions. I plan on saying very little about OR in the near future as my actions will take over. If she betrays me I will stay away from her, if she recommits to me 100% I will be her everything. This is a defensive tactic but also a 180 as I am usually quite offensive (ha ha). She can take this R wherever she wants. I am now okay with that, I really wasn't before as you all know.

I think I love her (that wasn't a question before) and I hope she can love me too "someday". My recent 180 in attitude should help my patience so I have a better chance of getting to "someday".

I will be leaving the office soon for the big V (vacation that is, I took care of the other big V 2 years ago [Wink] ) I will update you all when I get back and I am pretty sure it will be very positive. [Big Grin] [Big Grin]

Have a great 4th everyone!

TBONE [Cool]