Having fun with W the past couple days. She has been busting tail around the house. She can out work most guys I know when she gets "on a mission". Yesterday she stained the whole front porch as a surprise for me and mowed the lawn and ran all of the laudry and more. She is as proud of her accomplishments lately as am I. Here is the tough part. The look in her eye tells me there is a reason that she is doing all of this stuff. I think she is trying to "make up" for her ongoing EA's. Well, whatever! We are still having fun, laughing, very intimate, getting along. If she really needs more than what I have to offer, so be it. I mean that. If she approaches me at some point and tells me that she is leaving for someone else I will not be surprised. I will be disappointed but not surprised. My confidence is coming back and I realize that I can't do a whole lot more than I already am.
How do I say this? My love for her is lessening as she continues to betray me. I feel bad about it but she is draining my love away with her deceit. That is probably the reason for my recent change of attitude. I am still enjoying our time together very much but I also have come to the realization that I could do these same things with OW. That would not be my choice but it may come to that someday. I have a great repoir with many of my female clients, coworkers, and friends. If my W abandons OR she will be losing so much more than she realizes right now. I think my "value" has gone up in her eyes lately but it obviously is till not enough.
This new level of detachment is reducing my urge to snoop dramatically. I have asked her what else I could improve on to help OR and she couldn't come up with one thing. That feels pretty good. Maybe that will show her that its "not me". Yeah.
