Tbone, First thanks for visiting my thread. In regards to your own sitch, please keep in mind that when I thought things were at their darkest, that's when the beam of light bursted its way thru! There is a lot of positives I see in your post that you seem to be glancing over.
Dating is a great way for her to see who you really are now! Think about it ... dating / courting is the medium we use to initiate a R because it gives us an oppurtinty to see what the other person in like. In a way, you are really trying to start a new R in the M. It will give her more oppurtinities to see the 180's you have taken. Use "AS-IF" to approach each date and between each one to build positively on the last (in baby steps that is.) This takes determination to consistantly do this because the effects are not immediate, but that's where the patients comes in. Beacause when she is ready to change her perspective and takes an earnst look your way - the DBing you have been doing will make you the best you can be.
None of this ever is easy, but use this BB to help gather the strength, keep focused on your DBing to gain stability, and on your goals to achieve solutions ... we're all rooting for ya!
