I screwed up and snooped because she was acting weird. Why did I do that? She has been on "dates", signs the e-mails "love", "kisses", etc. and emailed "sensual licks all over your body" to her "ideal" man. I could puke. I of course asked her was she still talking to these guys. According to her it is all "innocent" and they just talk. She doesn't know what I know. I had been focusing on me and even after the "confrontation" we had a great weekend. What the hell is that about? We laughed, worked, and loved all weekend. Know I found more "stuff". Do some people simply need two lives? Should I just realize that no matter how well I think things are going I will always be in competition? Why can't this woman commit? I feel like I am being used in nearly every way.
I am beginning to feel like I jinxed myself with all of my positive thoughts. She seems like a WAW that will never truly come back. She will continue to string me along until she finally comes accross someone who can provide for her in every way that I do. I can never feel comfortable in this relationship. That hurts so bad to do so many things right and still have it not be enough for her. My best friend told me that she will put the screws to me at some point in the future he just doesn't know when and I believe him. She has lived this dual life for about 4 months. Making me feel like the R is good only to find out that she simply hasn't found "Mr Right" yet to leave me for.
I am so disappointed in her for her constant lying and deception. I feel like giving up because she is simply too good of an actress. If I don't snoop she will have me convinced that the R is fine. It sure is beginning to look like it may take some drastic measures to stop it but that would probably be just temporary like last time. I know at this point I am supposed to just work on myself and ignore the OM but it looks like I could spend the rest of my life going through on like this. Don't we all deserve a loyal spouse? I think I do.
I need some support that I am doing the right thing by just not snooping, working on myself, and letting the cards fall where they may. I am just dying to tell her what I know and to stop it immediately. The alternative is to tell her to pack up her stuff and get the hell out until she can decide that I am the "one". Forgive my arrogance but I have too damn much to offer to put up with her crap. The problem is she can't get over the old me, so she says. She doesn't understand that forgiveness is a choice.
