Our priest asked us to teach part of the archdiocese "Engagement Enrichment" program on the way out of church yesterday (He knows about our recent difficulties and improvements). This is a very good thing for many reasons. We have taught this before and it was very fulfiliing but I don't feel terribly qualified except for telling them what not to do. Would you rather have Mr. Rogers telling people not do drugs or a recovered addict with all of the horror stories? We have always gotten great reviews from the students. They like the "reality" that we give them. This year we may just ooze "reality". Preparing for the class will be very good for my W and I. I think a OR talk will be coming as a byproduct of doing this. I can't believe that thought actually made me nervous! The fear isn't quite gone yet. Its better but it is probably good that I don't get too "comfortable".
I am pumped to see so much progress on the board. Now lets keep it rolling.
What you can do with a level of confidence you never before had is tell them that marriage is work, that there are good times and tough times. Tell them to be prepared for some rough roads from time to time, that it's not all a honeymoon. Then tell them that with work, perserverence, love and committment, your marriage will flourish and you will be well rewarded.
Don't forget to work in something about teamwork!!
My step mom once told me that she's never seen a M worth it's salt that didn't go through a crisis. (Lily absolutely loves my step-mom).
tbone... Is there anyone more qualified than you to tell people about this? Is there anyone more qualified than you to tell them to stick it out through the tough times?
I took a marriage preparation course 19 years ago. It did nothing to forewarn me about this crisis.
I see death and severe marital problems as reality checks. Sometimes it takes a "crisis" before people get their priorities straightened out. People will "behave" for a while and then stray again. I was an athlete and that taught me that it takes consistent practice to be really good at something. I am regaining my faith by reading the bible consistently. We as humans need consistent reminders of what we need to do. A marriage can't be in crisis all of the time because the participants would go insane. The message I want to send in our class is "working" at a R means reading books, thinking about the others needs, attending marriage retreats, etc. These would be good consistent reminders of what to do in a R. The other way I would define "work" in a relationship is determination. Determination to do whatever it takes to keep your marriage together. I think that is why most of us are here.
More great teamwork at home last night. The boys now have a swing set and the fort should be finished tonight (weather permitting). My W helped me move the swing set into place and once again her strength amazed me. I built it on the garage approach to keep everything level and then we carried it 100 feet to the play area. My W even mowed the lawn for the first time in 2 years. She thought it was a good workout and wants to do it more often. This is great except she was a little hard on the mower. She wants me to show her how to run the trimmer and brush cutter too. Can you say transformation? Anyway, life is good!
As you all know, things are going well for my W and I. I appreciate all of your help very much and I am excited to hear about your progress as well. This is my last post for a while because I need to balance my life a little. It is too easy for me to get caught up with this BB and focus too much on my R. My knowledge base is there and I will continue to DB but I feel I can do it best if I back off of the BB for a while. It is probably good for me to not focus quite so hard on my R. I am more than just a H, fortunately. Best of luck to all of you.
TBONE
P.S. My W just called to see if I could come home early to be with her on this gorgeous day. Life is good.
I screwed up and snooped because she was acting weird. Why did I do that? She has been on "dates", signs the e-mails "love", "kisses", etc. and emailed "sensual licks all over your body" to her "ideal" man. I could puke. I of course asked her was she still talking to these guys. According to her it is all "innocent" and they just talk. She doesn't know what I know. I had been focusing on me and even after the "confrontation" we had a great weekend. What the hell is that about? We laughed, worked, and loved all weekend. Know I found more "stuff". Do some people simply need two lives? Should I just realize that no matter how well I think things are going I will always be in competition? Why can't this woman commit? I feel like I am being used in nearly every way.
I am beginning to feel like I jinxed myself with all of my positive thoughts. She seems like a WAW that will never truly come back. She will continue to string me along until she finally comes accross someone who can provide for her in every way that I do. I can never feel comfortable in this relationship. That hurts so bad to do so many things right and still have it not be enough for her. My best friend told me that she will put the screws to me at some point in the future he just doesn't know when and I believe him. She has lived this dual life for about 4 months. Making me feel like the R is good only to find out that she simply hasn't found "Mr Right" yet to leave me for.
I am so disappointed in her for her constant lying and deception. I feel like giving up because she is simply too good of an actress. If I don't snoop she will have me convinced that the R is fine. It sure is beginning to look like it may take some drastic measures to stop it but that would probably be just temporary like last time. I know at this point I am supposed to just work on myself and ignore the OM but it looks like I could spend the rest of my life going through on like this. Don't we all deserve a loyal spouse? I think I do.
I need some support that I am doing the right thing by just not snooping, working on myself, and letting the cards fall where they may. I am just dying to tell her what I know and to stop it immediately. The alternative is to tell her to pack up her stuff and get the hell out until she can decide that I am the "one". Forgive my arrogance but I have too damn much to offer to put up with her crap. The problem is she can't get over the old me, so she says. She doesn't understand that forgiveness is a choice.
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