A little revelation yesterday. A screw up on my part started an OR talk which went pretty well. The major topics were that she was very ready to leave the R but she isn't confused anymore and we are making good progress. I got 3 e-cards today that confirmed what we talked about over the weekend. I am feeling pretty good today.
The funeral was really tough on Friday. Terrible traffic down and back. Our friend found her husband, almost recessitated him, but he never came back. She is the sweetest person and she so doesn't deserve the situation she is in. We took our 2 younger sons along and they got her to laugh a couple of times. Their smiles can light up most anyone's heart.
We went to a party at a gorgeous home on the lake Saturday. What a humbling experience. We built a rather nice house but this place made us feel like we live in a trailer. Unlimited budgets really make for a beautiful home I guess. W and I had a great time. We are always the youngest couple at these events by about ten years. Most people are talking about where their kids are going to college and we talk about where our kids are going to kindergarten. Makes for a good laugh.
Still trying to get comfortable with the sitch. She was really really close to be being done and I am still feeling some aftershocks. A little gun shy you could say. Actually it is probably good that I don't get comfortable. That is when I screw up. I hope everyone had a good weekend.
Yeah, I understand what you mean about feeing uncomfortable. I think the ultimate goal is to keep up your self improvement campaign as you get more and more comfortable. In the end, you’re a better person, better H, and comfortable with that.
tbone, I'm sure this must all seem very frustrating and slow to you. To an outsider it looks like you are making a lot of progress. Sorry about your friend's H. The funeral must have been really rough.
What I could use the most is a confidence pill. Our R is going very well especially by DB standards. I make her laugh, pamper her, and she reciprocates. This happens because she let's it happen and I know how lucky I am for her to do that. I need to realize that she found out that the grass is pretty darn green on our side of the fence. Her feelings of pain in the past will fade and I can help to replace them with positive ones. She knows I have learned how to be a better H and F. I hear myself talking to our S's sometimes and I think to myself "that doesn't even sound like me". I actually sound calm and gentle. I am really trying to focus on doing things for my own good instead of for the sake of the R. The focus has been on W and the R when it should have been on me. Wow, do I learn slowly. I honestly feel like the WAW ordeal stripped me of mental capacity. Anyone else feeling that. Thanks for joining the thread Rayanne. You are right, the R is making big progress and I need to be appreciative. 10 weeks until our 10th anniversary and I plan on making it a memorable one. I see it like a commencement of sorts. Ending the first decade (bad R) and starting the second decade (great R). Don't tell my W but I live for our R and to make her happy. When she is in a good mood and we are spending time together it doesn't get any better. It is almost euphoric. What a sap I am.
I am so pissed off at her. She called to ask if she could go to her friend's my ONS isn't pregnant celebration. This is a friend she met on match.com and those who know me know how I feel about that. She says his mother is even going to be there. I don't give a sh** who is going to be there. She has spent countless hours counseling this poor soul on the phone and e-mail. This will be the third time she is going to spend time with this guy on this issue. She claims complete innocence and I believe her but it is still bullsh** in my book. How does she expect me to not care about this stuff? She has three friends from match that she still talks to. She told me just yesterday that they are no big deal and why would she tell me about them if it was any different. Her hours are accounted for very well right now so I guess I believe her but I am not comfortable with it nor should I be. She also always drops this on me at the last minute. Man, am I pissed off. Why do we have such great times and have such passion and she still feels a need to spend time talking to these people. If I had "friends" like this she would lose her mind. She sees no problem with it and I don't see it changing. That leaves me to get comfortable with it. I just had a strong desire to let her know that this really bothers me. I neede her to understand exactly hoe I feel. It causes me a lot of insecurity. Not very good DBing but I don't understand her dual life. Her actions and comments say that she really likes what we have but I still feel like I am being shopped. Sorry for the rant and lesson on how not to DB. I guess I spent too much time on the "Infidelity" board today. I really should never go there because my W fits so many of the stereotypes there that it hurts my PMA big time. She seems like all the other WAW with OM. I have some serious work to do yet and can thank my lucky stars that I have looks and money on my side or her materialism would have had her jumping ship a long time ago. I guess I didn't do a very good job of being the strong, secure guy today. We are too far into the rebuilding stage for it to not bother me. I know I should have said "go have a good time" but I can't hide my true feelings. Even if I would have said it she would have seen through it.
tbone, I'm sure there would be those that disagree with me, but I don't think that you did anything wrong. Just because your are DBing doesn't mean that you have to have "doormat" stamped on your forehead.
I think if I had confronted some of H's behaviors that I found disturbing, I might not have had to deal with an EA later.
If she just had to go, maybe she should have taken you with her. Otherwise, I don't think it was appropriate.
Explain the ONS initials please. Maybe I'm having a brain glitch, but I'm not pulling up a meaning.
Rayanne -- ONS = One Night Stand. Keep up, woman!!!
t, hey, no problem. No, you don't have to "get comfortable" with it. Didn't you already make this kind of thing a boundary issue? If not, it a good one. I've often (well, not too much lately) found myself simply telling W that I'm not comfortable with something she's proposed doing. Usually, that something has to do with some social event that includes OM. I quickly tell her how glad I am that she trusts ME enough to be able to tell me about it, but also that it just makes me uncomfortable. Then, you've got to drop it. It lets her know how you feel, it lets her know that she's pushing the limits of you tolerance, and by not forcing anything, it lets her know that you are not trying to control her, just let her know that it hurts you. Just a statement, no pressure, no judgement.
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Sorry about your friend's H. The funeral must have been really rough.
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