You don't even need to explain, tbone. I know exactly where your fear comes from. Believe me!!!
That's why I know how important it is to get your perspective back, and that's why I explained to you how to do it.
It's not original at all. I was probably told 1000 times to look at a broader perspective. In fact it finally clicked in when phoenix last explained it to me.
Nothing new under the sun, eh?
As to the uniqueness of your R... Your sit sounds like a carbon copy of mine. I don't know how much further along the road I am, but I think I'm perhaps a little further than you.
Looking back over the past almost 2 years. Yes, that’s how long I’ve been working at it, I’ve gone from a sit where W avoided me, cringed when I touched her (despite the fact we were sleeping in the same bed. She never moved out or kicked me out) to a point where she has occasionally asked me for a hug. There was an occasion several months ago where she forgot herself and blew me a kiss. Sometimes when I tell her ILY, she says ILY too.
Any way. I’m telling you this because I think you’re on the right track. You say that “on the surface” you have a good R. Well, that’s fantastic. At a minimum, it’s acting as-if things are fine. Do you know how much that affects your (and your W’s) thinking?
BTW, your DBing hasn’t been weak at all. DBing isn’t about turning yourself into something you’re not. It’s about becoming a better person, and that is an evolutionary process. It’s not about becoming a doormat either. It’s about getting yourself and your spouse on the same team. It’s (partially) about learning to cooperate. And, in most cases, that means that you have to do all of the cooperation – at least for now.
Keep up the good work, tbone. It really is working for you.
