You are very right. I lose my objectivity quite easily. The burning concern driving my fear is I felt pretty good about the R a year ago too and proceeded to get blindsided this winter. Granted I understand better what I need to do but I also did more damage (as did she) since then. I am not discounting what you said at all just explaining where my fear is coming from. What I find backwards is that we live together, eat together, sleep together, go out together, work together, but she doesn't say ILY or make any verbal committments to our R or counseling. On the surface we have a good and happy relationship. Others here live seperate lives, have an OP, but still say ILY and have made a committment to the R. Don't think I want to be in other's sitch's but it just seems weird.
I am getting more comfortable that she doesn't love me and that is why she doesn't say it. My feeling is that she loves what I am and that bothers her. She loves my attributes but not "me". If I were to be damaged physically or financially she would probably be gone. This is from her various comments and actions. That kind of chinks the armor of my confidence. I realize her feelings can change but that it where it is right now.
Anyway, I realize that Dbing is about getting them to fall in love with you "again" regardless of what the feelings are now. My DBing has been weak at best and will continue to improve on this daily. Andy talked about "consistently trying". I will.
Had lunch with W and oldest S and went dress shopping for the party on Sat. Not for me, for her. LOL I would give you the little details but it would make most here bored silly. It went well. I am a lucky man in that we can get along while shopping. Some might say blessed.
I here what you are saying about relaxing. The apologizing is already done so my positive actions will lead me home. More yard work tonight. I have a ton of stone and 2 barn beams in my truck. Nothing lile a little hard labor to reset the hard-drive. Thanks for th pick me up.
