I am pissed at myself this morning over how I handled some little things last night and this morning. It probably doesn't mean anything but I see two problems. When things improve in the R I tend to get more demanding and/or critical. I also don't handle rejection from her very well. She flirts and teases most of the day and then the whole putting the kids to bed routine tends to make her tired and frustrated. We have all been there but I certainly need to handle the situation better. I didn't make any blunders but I need to get better at realizing what really matters in my R. Too much micro-managing on my part. I tend to lose focus on the big picture very easily. I have seen that the R goes well when she wants it to. I don't think I have really changed that much. My motive has remained "fix it" instead of "fix me". Man am I pissed at my lack of discipline. I can't believe I have not snooped. One little victory. I know I am not supposed to be hard on myself but if I could keep my objectivity on what matters most of my worries would already be gone. This is so much in my hands which is right where I like it. I really need to do a better job on me. She has done most of what I was hoping she would do and all I did was watch. FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS.
I have been very lucky to get to this point. Now I am scared that I am blowing a golden opportunity by not DBing better. Hopefully this was a non-painful wake up call. Our R couldn't handle another trip to the bottom.
