Normal is good. Normal, everyday, don't have to think about it type ILY would be GREAT. I feel our bond growing a little bit everyday. She is doing the little extras and is doing things that she knows makes me happy. She was only doing things for herself for quite awhile. I have learned to be very appreciative of her through all of this. She is home today and wants me to email her. I responded, I do everyday but you don't resply like you used to. She responded that she has been working very hard and doesn't take time and her email friends are mad at her too. GOOD. I say that because she was so focused on the internet she was neglecting everything else. Anyway, I was thinking about what to write to her. It has become easier for me to write more "intense" things than to say them. More time to "edit". Was thinking of explaining that I haven't been saying ILY because it seems to make her uncomfortable but I hope she knows how strong my love is. When I have said it I believe by her responses (verbal and physical) that she doubts my love or my understanding of what love really is. I believe she thinks that my actions (lack of trust, demanding, etc.)show that I don't love her even though my words say I do. I don't know, maybe just a note about how much I like spending time with her and blah, blah, blah. I am getting sick and tired of calculating everything I do. Can't I just say "you're my friend, my lover, my partner, my world" and "I can't wait to pick out dentures and orthopaedic shoes together". That is how I feel. See why I need time to edit.
