Tree, I just read a post from you on Wilma's thread:
quote:H said "you don't remember the argument we had and you said you'd divorce me!??" Frankly - I didn't remember it all. I couldn't even remember the argument. He was shocked. That D comment wounded him deeply. He said "that cut me like a knife. you have no idea"
SO I said... " no, I didn't have any idea. I can apologize now, but why did you never say anything to me?" His reply - "I assumed you meant it and it was just a matter of time!"
So I corrected that one, but he kept that one inside of him a looooooong time. I don't EVER use the D word in jest or otherwise any more either.
Assumptions, remarks in jest, WHO KNEW!!!! These guys are sensitive and they hold it all in creating waaaaaaaay bigger pain than they need to.
My H has said something similar. I made a comment that I do not remember, that at the time was probably in jest, that he just cannot let go (it was a comment that made him feel rejected sexually). He treats it like the pivitol comment of our entire marriage, the "straw that broke the camel's back" but I do not remember that comment at all. There is no way I can "prove" what I said or did not say, since I do not even remember the conversation. I spent a lot of time and energy being frustrated about his insistence about what I said, arguing with him, trying to convince him that it is stupid to hinge our whole future on one phrase or even one word. No good. My pride had to step aside. This is one where we have to agree to disagree (and not talk about it), and hopefully he will find some way to "forgive" me for something I do not think I did.
quote:As for the neanderthals who can't deal with my name....I have yet to come up with a good come-back.
Actually, my H came up with a great comeback. He says "I (meaning he) decided not to change my name when we gor married." Generally good for a nervous laugh, then someone quickly changes the subject.
