Treesa, how long ago did he disclose this fantasy lady to you?
Sage did more than have a fantasy; he made the dead-end trip. One thing that I picked up on thru reading Hurting Badly's threads was that if the guy then becomes absorbed in his work he is probably done w the ow. Changed my view on Sage wanted to invest his energy in the job.
A kinda gross image that I need to overlay is the dramatic pose he struck as he shared w me how he felt in response to my query re how he felt when he first met her. Mind you, we were still in shell-shock and he did not care one iota whether what he said would hurt me. He looked like a gambler getting ready to make a big play as he said "THIS is what I want-t-t-t-t.
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
I was still numb and the private thought I entertained was "Yes, but you weren't what she wanted. . ."
Of course months later when I was not numb and could put things together I realized that somehow Sage clung to the bit of sanity that my light showed through his fog.
Sage told me not too long ago that there was not a thing I could have done to stop what happened between them. If I hadn't been ill I probably would have made a huge mess of everything. Thank goodness that my mental, emotional, and physical ills caused a detachment and distance so that what had to happen could run its course.
Don't you think that your H realizes that she 'ain't what he wants anymore. You are all that and emotionally present for him.
An important lesson that I have learned is that Sage is the only one responsible for his integrity. Same w your H. Sage never in a million years thought that what happened would happen.
Remember a thing I heard a hundred years ago: "Any woman can get any man; the thing is, can she keep him". I laughed when I heard that. I never understood just what it meant 'til my feet wound up in these shoes.
Treesa, I pray calmness of spirit for you. I wish warts on the fantasy chic's. . .ah, nose.
I'm glad that you care so much for your R. It would be so helpful to you if one day you could get into a convesation about relationship boundaries in the workforce. Notice I did not say and OR talk!
