I am sitting here banging my head against my laptop .... bang bang bang... D-UH... You guys... I tell you... I can TOTALLY FREAK myself out. Andy... wish I had read your bit of coaching before my H came home very early this aft. SIGH... I can do SUCH a good BACKSLIDER!!! 18 months and I can be SUCH a rookie!!!! ok.. so here goes... H comes home I say.. so ... what's happening? You are home instead of at work how come?
He says plans have changed and "the bunch" plus a "few others" are now having their dinner tomorrow night due to circumstances beyond their control, AND it's in a very trendy part of town. THIS instead of doing obligatory duty at another work function instead.
So I don't know why I lost it... but I did. Not only are they eating dinner somewhere trendy but it's turning into a regular party. I just kind of did my bad impression of a shrewish wife and said oh great how nice... a party and kind of caught my breath before I said anything majorly bitchy. All along I am thinking in my head creating my own stupid fantasies... about, my H in some fancy trendy restaurant that we never go to with people from work and spouses are not invited. sigh....
SO I told him I had to go back to work and he wanted me to explain my irrational behavior.(it was truly awe inspiring irrational!) HOWEVER I couldn't find a way to articulate what I felt and why without sounding even more shrewish.. and completely bitchy. Given that for the past week I have been out of town eating in trendy restaurants every night with my work colleagues... I really don't have a leg to stand on. Except here is the bitchy part.... I am not saying or thinking to any of my work buddies - pass the bread and do you want to hit the sack with me baby... ( although the are a few other more choice four letter words I would use instead) So H is working at prying out of me what is bothering me and I clam up and go back to work because I can't spit out the fact that my own imagination has gone into over-drive again.
STUPID STUPID STUPID. It's been a bitch of a day all the way around... with some bad news about clients, some aggravating health stuff for me... nothing serious just bothersome, and all the way around... I am feeling just really stressed and want to run away again. as Homer Simpson would say D-OH!!! and D-OH again! Oh... and haven't even gotten to the part where it's daughter's "graduation" ( oh pul-eeeese) from Grade 8 and the party etc that is happening at school - guess when... same time as his do from school. sigh...
So... HOW do I fix this stupid little mess I have managed to get myself into. I have got to get my MSN Chat up and running on my old computer. This just sucks when I need to vent.
H of course now tip toeing around me as I try and regroup. This might just be OR time.... because the bottom line is... I am tired of king of being in purgatory... that limbo land... where yeah Andy she is probably out of his mind... but who knows ya know... and Ya ... he has me in the sack, but there are days when I feel more like a whore than a wife... and then there are days most of them, when I think... yep.. we are gonna make it. But who knows... because he nevers says nuttin! sigh... oh kay... I haven't had a really good rant in awhile... must be everything just piling up here... thanks for listening evenryone. I need a good dose of Lily-talk I think!
more breathing...... and more sucking it up... tree
