Friends, my H is a fraud!! He can tell me all he wants that he doesn't love me -- I know different!! I think what he is feeling is that he doesn't deserve to feel love -- for any of us.
He gave me a bicycle for my birthday (along with other things he gave me last Sat.) He wants me to be go on his bike rides with him. We went out to dinner with #3 son (all others were working). Then we went over our friends' to show off the new car and have b'day greetings and view some wedding videos. H snuggled up next to me on the couch.
When we got hom, #2 son and his darling GF were home with a B'day gift for both of us (H's b'day is the 5th) and wanted us to open it together. It was a gift cert. for a day spa. It was a "Date/spa" gift. We're to have lunch together and then get a massage or a facial, our choice. Very thoughtful. H said let's try to do it on Friday (his B'day) cuz he has the day off.
We retired upstairs and the evening was very,very nice. Things were so "normal" I could've cried. H kept cuddling with me and telling me happy b'day -- hoped I'd gotten everything I wanted. When I told him goodnight, he said, "Goodnight, sweetie." No ILY, but that term of endearment almost meant more, ya know what I mean.
I laid there before falling asleep thinking, what a fraud. This man loves me. Maybe he's afraid, though. Maybe he still thinks I'll come to my senses and leave him eventually. Or, maybe, he's just acting-as-if in order to try to work through the crap and get down to the loving feelings again. If that is the case, he's a great actor!! I don't want to minimize whatever he's going through. It just seems to me by his actions that there is a lot of feeling there.
Pfroglady, thank you for your B'day greetings. Haven't heard from you in a while. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers.
Lily, I read the thread over on infidelity. I am going to post when I have more time. H is working from home today and I don't like him seeing me at this board anymore. At first he was really supportive with me coming here -- took some of the heat off of him. Now, I think it just serves to remind him of everything and makes him wonder why I still need to be here. Also, gotta go shop for his B'day gift.
