Im still alive and still lurking. I, as usual, have been real busy here lately. Im about to go take my final exam for this summer class I've been taking. There will be alot of relieved stress when this class is over. Alot of material is crammed into a summer's class (15 weeks done in 4), so it has been intense. Although stressful, it doesnt give me much time to think about "it". And here lately when it does cross my mind it disappears so fast that I hardly have time to dwell on it.
Oh how right all of you were when you said the pain would fade in time. To be honest, 3-4 months ago I didnt believe any of you when you all told me that. How wrong I was, thankfully. I have come to the realization that this did happen, and there is no escaping it. I believe this has been a major step in my recovery process. Just accepting the facts that it has happened to me, yes me. Its that plain and simple. After doing so, it seems as if Im ready to lay all this behind me and really move forward with the attitude if it works, it works. If it doesn't, Montana cant say he never tried. I truly believe this is all the W wants from me. Just to give us a chance to see how things turn out. I know personally that it would break her heart for me to give up so easily, even though I have every right to. I've also realized after having a few calm and pleasant conversations about the past that the relationship meant absolutely nothing to her. No gifts, ILY's or anything of that nature ever occurred. Guess it wouldnt make any difference had they did, for there is nothing I could do about it anyway. But that in a nutshell is where Im at. Ive accepted it, finally, and have come to the realization that our M might not survive. I feel like I need to try my hardest for it to work though, if nothing else my S needs us both. Plus the W said it would "kill her soul" if I left her. You know what? I believe her. In time she would eventually get over it, but it wouldnt be easy on her.
Now back to you, Im glad you are finding pieces here and there of normalcy. I hope you find it every day. Believe it or not, when I come here and read about you, lily, pfroglady, Andy and whoever else and see when you are hurting, I hurt also. I guess we all share in each others pain somewhat. Thats another reason I havent been around as much. Sometimes you dont need to be reminded of why you ever came here in the 1st place. By no means am I copping out on you guys, but I think you understand what Im saying. We all need a break from thinking about it.
Cant wait to see the title of your new thread (Babe) . Please be patient and start it with a positive attitude, and not when you're feeling down. I dont think anyone will call the BB police on you if it goes on past 100 posts.
Take care Mattie, Lily, pfroglady, Andy and all you other great people.
![[Razz]](images/icons/tongue.gif){kind=icon}
. Please be patient and start it with a positive attitude, and not when you're feeling down. I dont think anyone will call the BB police on you if it goes on past 100 posts.
