I've made a decision...

[NNP1965]

NNP1965,
From what I can tell about your situation, your H is addicted to porn and may or may not be having a "virtual affair".

You go to C and the C tells you that you need to resolve some childhood issues that prevent you from confronting other's bad behavior.

Assuming those two premises are correct, here's my two cents.

As far as the porn thing, yes I've looked at porn on the web. I really do not do it much anymore, it really did not do too much for me. But I'm sure just like drugs, beer, OW whatever it can be addictive. Any addiction is not healthy for a marriage.

And if he has not already had an affair, he is starting to fantasize about it. That will open up the door if the opportunity ever presents itself.

My dad was a West Point grad and Vietnam Vet. I know what it can be like to convince people who have been in the army they are wrong.

You counselor sounds like mine. I have some issues I need to resolve before I can work on our marriage. My first counselor sucked. I told him all the ugly "issues" of my past, I honestly did and do believe that's one of the reasons my marriage in unhappy and opened the door to my affair (not using it as an excuse though). When I was finished, he had the most asinine (sp) comment to me. It was like he did not hear a word I said for the past 55 min. I strenly told him this and found another. I found one who is great. I will see her today actually.

OK there is a reason I gave you that background. As long as I never see the OW again, I have time to work on myself and still stay loyal to my wife. I have stopped the destructive behavior.

You do not have time to work on yourself and stop his destructive behavior. It may take you weeks, months or even years. Meanwhile you H is getting sucked in more and more into his addiction.

I really cannot offer any advice on what to do to prevent your H addiction. I can offer help in other areas, but marriage reconcilation. Maybe other on this board can.

Just my two cents. One thing that is becoming VERY apparent to me is the amount of love so many of you have for your spouses despite their destructive misguided behavior. It really does not give me hope in my marriage, but it does give me hope in love and the human race.

If I was wrong on your situation or if you have any other questions, please feel free to post or shoot me an e-maill.