Quote: GH I honestly do not know if I am choosing not to face the truth at this moment or if I am in denial.
Ok, well then how about this. Why not list the things, in a numbered list, that you THINK your C is saying are a fantasy, or that you are in denial about.
Quote: I can tell you that I am totally 200% committed to my marriage and nothing a counselor or anyone says could change that for me. But I do want to learn to deal with issues that need to be dealt with in order to be healthy.
Good for you in terms of the commitment! In terms of wanting to learn how to "deal" with issues to be health, well that's a little more tricky. I don't think there's a psychologist out there that wouldn't say that most of us here are doing some pretty UNhealthy things by DBing but we choose to do those things because we have the greater good of our marriage at heart. We are willing to risk TEMPORARY and VOLUNTARY pain to get to a place that will be MUCH better for us AND our spouses, knowing all along that we may very well get to the end without a marriage to save.
That's why the attitude of the C is VERY important. MY C, as I have said, is actually Imago trained and DOES recoil sometimes when I tell her some of my "DB" ideas about things. In the end though, she supports my efforts to save my marriage and knows that since I am choosing to do these things and not blaming my W, or playing the victim here, I will probably be ok in the end.
If your C is going to attack you every-time you do something that may be personally detrimental, i.e. "allow" him to see OW, then I think you will find it hard to integrate your therapy with DB. If, on the other hand, you can explain that DB is just a means to an end and a set of conscious choices made to TRY to save the marriage, but most of all, to save US from the character flaws we so badly want to change, then I think you have a chance to have your C be a GREAT resource in your efforts.
I wish you luck in this. I think I had a LOT of luck in finding my C and while she's not perfect by any stretch, I have found her to be very helpful. I wish the same for you.
