Ok, we cross-posted but some of what I said applies...now to what you just posted...
Quote: The counselor said that living with deceit is not good and it is not healthy for me to ignore it, but more importantly she was curious why I am able to ignore it at all costs.
In MY OPINION ONLY, this C sounds decidedly NOT with the DB program. She is all about the individual's health and not about the health of the marriage. Also, as I pointed out before, CHOOSING to ignore something, or just put off dealing with it is NOT the same as denial. Denial is just pretending it doesn't exist, which is NOT what DB suggests we do.
Quote: Basically what came from that is that my whole life I have been keeping family secrets... from my father's alcholism (and other abuses) to what my H is doing.
Ok, I get this somewhat. You have a pattern of keeping these things in the dark. From that perspective, I can see where she would be concerned but not so much as to react to this...
Quote: I told her that I want to face the truth, but that I want to keep my marriage...
with this...
Quote: ...she said that might be a fantasy that cannot happen.
Ok, it's one thing to have someone face the possibility that the marriage may not work out, but calling it a fantasy is REALLY harsh in my opinion and to me (remember, I have NO training, and have only ever been to one therapist in my life) shows that she does not value marriage very much, or think it worth much work at all.
There are a LOT of people out there, you probably have more than a few of them in your circle of friends and family, who would say that once your H cheated, it was over, you should kick him out and never speak to the bastard again.
It's not that they aren't well-meaning, just like I'm sure your C is, but they are only concerned about you and not your marriage.
Quote: As painful as it is for me to remember things, I want to be honest here so I will try to answer any questions ask of me.
Ok, that all said, I will ask you this question to follow up on what you said to C and she to you; ARE you facing the truth or are you in denial? Is the fantasy she thinks you have that somehow you can save your marriage, or does she think you are in complete denial about the danger your marriage is in?
IF it is denial, then fine, she has a right to challenge you. IF it is simply that you believe there is hope, then how dare she take that from you!
