Ok, here's my new take on snooping. Mind you, this IS slightly different from my usual "no snooping ever" rule, and it IS only my opinion but here goes...
IF you are snooping to find out if something you DO NOT ALREADY KNOW is going on, i.e. you don't have a clue if your spouse is cheating on you or not, then fine, snoop and find out. THEN QUIT.
IF you are snooping to find out the details of the affair, or hoping to find out it's over, or any other reason, you're wasting your time and making things worse for yourself.
Also, in general, if you can avoid snooping for ANY reason, then do so because it's almost a universal that nothing good comes of it. It brings pain and suffering to your life even more than not knowing does.
So, NN, in your case, while I get why you do it, are you sure you need to? What are you going to be blindsided by? If you say an affair, then either you think the old one is over and will come back, or you think he'll cheat again, right? Well, why is that? Are you working on the "rest" of your marriage.
I know where you're coming from. I want to snoop SO badly to see if my W is in contact with OM. I am starting to think I can just check once (actually I know I can because I did it long ago...just once) to see and then let it go. The thing that stops me is that I know I am not ready to find out that she is in contact with him and finding out that she is would send my mind racing in a million directions, 999,999 of them wrong.
And that's the real problem with snooping. It makes us think we know something we don't. Context is everything. I am a part-time reporter and have spent the past 10 years covering sports. I know first hand from standing next to an athlete who says something in context and the next day it's printed in the paper with a TOTALLY different meaning because it's removed from that context. No matter what you read in an email, or see on a phone, you DON'T know all you think you do. The only thing you REALLY know is that they're doing something that you don't agree with and are being dishonest about it...and you knew THAT before you snooped.
