I promise I will try to the best of my ability to honestly (no matter how hard) answer any question posed to me.
8 years ago 1st bomb One day I asked H what was wrong (he had been sullen and moody) and he said he was "not happy". Implied he wanted a D (to this day has never used the word DIVORCE). I did everything I could think of begged, pleaded, got angry, asked him not to do this. Eventually it kind of blew over and everything seemed fine. During this time I discovered his porn viewing and he promised me he would only look at it with me. However that was an utter lie! He never stopped looking at it (or really looked at it with me), just got smarter about hiding it. Also I found out later a girl at the gas station gave him her phone number and he carried it around in his wallet for a long time (I do not think there was any more to it).
3-1/2 years ago 2nd bomb After a couple of months of him being very mean (verbally) to me and the boys, I confronted him and he admitted he was "not happy" (again never used the D word, but that is what he meant). Said he wanted us to stay together for the next year until time to move (military). WTF??? Again I tried to reason with him, said this was not right... etc... etc... eventually he started saying things like "where do you suppose we will get stationed next?". I asked him what had happened and he said he had been miserable at work and was not going to let that interfere with family anymore. Oh during this time I found out that he had been in contact with the sister of an old girlfriend (she lived several states away) but he had been calling her and she had been feeding him the "you gotta make yourself happy line"... blah blah blah
The next year was one of the happiest times of our marriage. H became very involved in our church and son's school. Then we found out he would be deployed for a year! Together we decided to accept this assignment as it would be the best option to get stationed where we wanted when it was over. I even commented at one point that I was thankful this happened now as we were at a good place. H left in May of 2004. I set about keeping things going... working, taking care of boys, house, dog and everything else.
In August we found out he would be promoted and would get sent home early. Over the next month or so he was insistent that I find a house and buy and have ours sold so we could move immediately when he got home. He would scope out houses online and tell me to go look at them (we were getting sent just a couple of hours from where we lived). I did eventually find a house and at his urging made an offer and it was accepted. I then set about getting our current house ready to sell.
Oct 2004 3rd bomb For a while H was starting to seem depressed on the phone, although it seemed normal so much upheaval in our lives, I thought he was tired of being gone from home...etc... etc... during a somewhat routine Sat night phone call he dropped the bomb again! Talk about blindsided! here I was with one house on the market and a ratified contract on another house and movers scheduled to come in less than 2 months! Before he came home 3 weeks later I was able through snooping to find out that he had begun and EA with a woman from a game site. I did not realize until after he got home that this had also progressed to phone calls.
I wish I had found DB at that time, but I with out knowing I was doing so I used alot of DB principles... and to make a long story less long he was home about two weeks and then recanted, said he loved me never wanted to leave, sorry he put me through hell.... blah blah blah He never told me about the EA and I never let on that I know.
However in July I found out that he was looking for this EA woman in the game site and I asked him in an indirect way about what might have gone on while he was gone. He got very defensive and said we would never get past that time and he did not feel trusted, blah blah blah, never admitted a thing. I asked him why he decided to say and he said because of his commitment to me and our boys. I walked upstairs got on my computer and found this site.
I have followed GEL sitch and I can tell you that I do not think he is afraid to tell me what he wants. He KNOWS I am willing to do what ever he wants me to in the bedroom and I initiate at least as often as he does. How ever he rarely gives me what I would like to have.
Now I am going to share with you all some things I wish I could forget. During the time frame of the 2nd bomb H said he wanted us to "get involved" with other couples. He even went so far as to say he "wanted other women, but did not want to cheat". I was devastated, even tried to show some interest for awhile, but I knew it was wrong and I told him that I would do WHATEVER to make our sex life great between the two of us, but I would not involve other people.
Basically I am afraid that if I confront him about anything he will leave, maybe I kind of think he would welcome an excuse. How pitiful am I?
Sorry this is so long, I really want some help so I am trying to lay it ALL out there.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
