Matilda! I can only imagine how you felt when your H slipped up on the name like that!! [Mad] I know I would have reacted the same way but not sure I could have been as brave as you!! I am such a "crier"!! I'd like to think that I could hold it together for the sake of the son graduating. You amaze me...you are strong!! I think that ANYBODY who has been through what you have would have reacted the same way and had the same suspicions at Disneyland when he went off by himself..especially after the name incident!! Here's a little secret....even as good as I am doing I still every now and then have a case of the "suspicions"!! It is probably going to always happen but the times do get farther apart. I'll tell you a really shameful secret now and maybe it will make you feel a tiny bit better....You know the big Tyson fight was in Memphis Saturday night. Well,my H works for the newspaper here and he had to work Saturday night. He didn't get home until Sunday morning and after a brief cuddle he went to sleep. Want to know what I did? I am so ashamed of it but I know I can confide in you (and everybody else reading this). I checked his cell phone and checked to see if he still had "her" number listed in his phone book [Embarrassed] !! He didn't and I really felt like a first class suspicious B***H!! He has not given me any reason to be suspicious but that may be one of the things that we may not be able to ever stop doing! Does it mean we really feel we can't trust them? Is it normal to be like this? If so,how long does it last? But as you say there are things that may never be the same. As for the intimacy thing. I wish I knew what to tell you about that. At first ours picked up big time (naturally I assumed that it did because he had "her" on his mind sometimes). Then it slowed down after about 8 months or so (again I assumed it was because of "her"). Now it has picked up again and I can honestly feel that it is different. He seems more realxed and at ease he seems to be making the "first move" more and more! Maybe like my H,yours is going through another phase of the A being over. Bou I need to know just how many phases do they have to go through? Only thing is your H has to learn to forgive himself and start focusing on you!! Maybe after all the things going on in your life right now are done you can sit him down and lay your cards on the table. Tell himexactly how what he is doing is affecting you. Explain to him that it isn't the A that is upsetting you and driving you up the wall but the way he is beating himself up over it and how now he is allowing that guilt to hinder the progress you have been making! Tell him that if you were going to leave him when you found out about the A you would have been gone (or he would) by now!! Maybe he just needs a "smack up side his thick head"!! [Big Grin] I know it is hard for you to "bite your tongue" and there are times when you have to speak up for your own peace of mind! Remember that YOU are the victim here...NOT HIM!! Don't know if I was any help but I do try!! I am always here for you!! Stay strong and keep the faith!! I know you will make it!!
Your friend,pfroglady