Not sure who or anyone will read this after falling off the board and trying to put it all together.
We had or first counseling session yesterday with a counselor that I like and believe in, just a gut feeling. She is honest and insightful and does not pull punches.
Spent the first 40 minutes recapping all that has occured in last 6 months and also two years. She asked some very direct questions and did a lot of listening. Asked about our beginning and how we met and knew we loved each other and reasons for getting married. It was very emotional for me. The stories aligned somewhat although my recolection of good times was greater. She acknowledged that I am a person that feels comfortable being vulnerable with my W. She then asked if my W was ever vulnerable with me. She replied no, she never was and never has been. She always felt she had to take care of the men in her relationships and the relationships. C found that very interesting. Overall the first 40 minutes were civil. Then came the final minutes.
Wife started about my constantly emailing and texting, asking where we were and what we are going to do. Saying I have put her through hell the past 2 months since she filed. Accusing her of hiding money and things of that nature. As the counselor started to tell her she was no longer interested in the past few months but about the future I interupted and said I had to make a comment. What I said was this" Wife, I see I need to be honest and break a promise I made. I made a vow to a person never to tell what I am going to relate. The reason I was so inquisitive and looking for things was your sister informed me that you told her that you had been taking money out of our account in preparation for the D. My love and marriage is more important than my promise to your sister." This set her in a frenzy. Shaking, crying, almost seizure like. She was screaming at me that I am puttingh er over the edge, that she cannot stand to be in the same room as me. That she never said that to her sister. The counselor intervened and said "Mrs. F4W, cannot you see what you H just did? He broke a promise because he felt you needed to know. He is being real and vulnerable with you. What is causing your reaction?" Wife had no response. C started in that she believes that my wife has never been vulnerable with man in a relationship. That she is suppressing the real reason for her reaction and deflecting it twords me as being the bad guy. Wife continued in her tirade. Counselor closed the session with homework. That we had to spend 30 minutes together alone, and talk about anything but our relationship. Wife said she could not. That she cannot do it. C asked if 10 minutes was doable. She agreed reluctantly. So we are doing Coffee on Friday. The C is adamnet that we start to be relaxed and understand each other again.
She also stated that by my wife's reaction she was disappointed and asked my wife if she was really here for the marriage or if she was here to end the marriage, my wife answered she did not know.
So I have agreed to not talk to my wife about anything but the kids. It seems as if the path is set, I hope there is a miracle in the future.
F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
