F4W - I don't want to get carried away here, but do you feel there is light at the end of the tunnel at last? You W responds with panic when you get stronger and she faces the reality of losing you - she still calls you her H; she says you are 'just separated'; she is willing to go to counselling; she recognises the value of your years together; she admits she has issues - and that she needs help in fixing them.
Only when you show insecurity (eg - competing with another man) does she get defensive and attack. When you show strength - which you are - she pulls closer.
I would resist rushing anything with her - just continue to be compassionate and give her time to sort herself out. She knows there is a problem; she is now suspecting it is not you, but her. But she is not ready to face up to fixing that just yet - however, she is making moves in the right direction.
Patience friend; and don't fear the separation. I have discovered for myself that space can be the real healer.
